In our previous Parshiot, Avraham Avinu faces challenges of epic proportions and heroically triumphed over each and every one of them. From the war with the four and five kings, to negotiations with God for the salvation of the evil town of Sedom, signing peace treaties with world leaders, and circumcising himself at the age of ninety nine. All of these dramatic moments lead up to the climactic final episode of Avraham’s faith, the Binding of Isaac.
As Avraham is the founder of our nation, stalwart of faith for all time, one might surmise that the final moments of the Torah describing Avraham would leave us with a profound deep feeling of connection to God on top of Mount Moriah with his most precious son. Yet, in this week’s parsha, Chayei Sarah, Avraham does not face the same dramatic events as we have seen previously. There aren’t any miracles this time, and there isn’t even anything heroic. The story is mundane and banal in fact- he buries his wife, tries to find a wife for his son, distributes his estate, has more children and then passes away.
The Midrash is bothered by a few words in the beginning of the parsha.
Sarah dies in Kiryat Arba, which is Hevron in the land of Canaan; And Avraham came to eulogize Sarah and cry over her (Genesis Chapter 23:2).
The Midrash asks, where did Avraham come from? The popular answer is that he came from Mount Moriah. Therefore, Avraham was not present for the death of his wife. One cannot blame him. After all, he did have a supremely good excuse as he was fulfilling the word of God. Tragically though, he missed the opportunity to say goodbye to his beloved wife.
The parsha then proceeds to detail the aforementioned ordinary acts of Avraham. One may think these common occurrences are not as important as the previous “Hollywood” style moments. But perhaps this is the very essence of what Parshat Chayei Sarah can teach us. The routine matters that lack excitement are also stages in our lives. Very often, attention is focused on the public persona, what is outward and easily observed. Less sensational private matters as often given little thought or attention. In the previous parshiot we meet the public Avraham and his gallant triumphs. But in our parsha Avraham does not behave outwardly courageous. Rather, we see him living life as a devoted husband and father would.
Avraham was involved in the shidduch, match making, for his son Issac. The verse explains:
And Abraham said to his servant, the elder of his house, that ruled over all that he had: 'Put your hand under my thigh. And I will make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife for my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell (Genesis chapter 24: 2-3.
Avraham’s servant managed his entire household, was beside him during the most daunting moments of life. Interestingly, now is the only time the servant is asked to swear in the protection of his master’s interests. It seems strange that this man was Avraham’s power of attorney, banker, bodyguard and trusted advisor, and yet when it comes to finding a match for his son, he makes him swear. The reason follows our logic above. Avraham cared and loved his family more than any worldly possession. Moreover, the task of finding a spouse for his son was of utmost importance to him. One does not receive honor and public recognition for time, energy and values they work to bestow on their families. There are no plaques or prestige given for private matters, only for public accomplishments. It is a challenge in our time to find a balance between these two lives. However, we can look to Avraham and see that he was able to do both. As a public persona, he excelled in fathering the Jewish people and was known as a prince in his time. But more importantly, privately, he cared and extended more effort in the care for his family and their welfare.
